If ever there was a more inconsistent, elusive blogger in the bloggerspere than myself.....you're lying to yourself. This is the thing though, I'm not lazy and not really inconsistent, its just that bloggerdom is sooooooo common- its basically Benoni; that I have to set myself apart. I do this by using the element of surprise....its like when most of you get home and the only thing that has been on your mind all day is reading my blog, then when you check it there's nothing new. Disappointment. Check again. Nothing. A week later you've got the shakes from withdrawals, when all of a sudden, Boom. I'm back. You're surprised and delighted. You've got to understand something though, I am well aware that I am your personal brand of heroine (Mom, blog addiction is unhealthy-you should see someone about it), but I have a life, and no iPhone therefor no Internet in my back pocket. Bare with the breaks between posts.
Speaking of this life that I have, I guess it wouldn't hurt to divulge some dets. Yesterday I walked a granny home, she was great, we chatted and chuckled and while I thought of adopting her, I had to let her go....be free granny, fly away home. Ah bless, she was so cute, I wanted to keep her like a pet because I have had enough of cats and dogs, and goldfish and iguana's do nothing for a cuddle. Good deed done, I am a good Samaritan....I could literally feel the halo glowing over my do.....then I stood on a snail. Now I'm not sure if that means I'm going to hell, but basically the halo froze over. Although on second thoughts, snails don't make good pets either.
In case some of you missed my fb statuses, 2 weeks ago I was asked if I was free on a Wednesday by (insert name of your choice). I was, so I said yes, why....what does this involve, is it legal? The response was cryptic, but yes it sounded legal (not ready to test out the chookie here yet, public transport is bad enough). So I probed as one does. I asked where I was going? Somewhere was the answer. So I asked what I should wear? Shorts, T-shirt and sunglasses. Where do I meet you? I'll let you know 10mins before you have to be there. Basically, this sounds like a massive deal going down. At 5:30 on this said Wednesday eve I get a call saying meet at Marble arch in 5 minutes. So I obey.....and low and behold, there are thousands of people there.....tens of thousands. So I thought a little something something was going on. My thoughts were confirmed when I met (insert name of your choice) and out of a little white envelop came 2 tickets to Kings of Leon!!!!! Kings of flipping Leon peeps, kan jy glo? It was amazing, they're as good live as they are on the radio, or in a club, or in your i-podified ears.Better in fact. It was in Hyde park, under a perfect sky......how's a little sex on fire as the sun sets over Hyde Park?(Don't worry Mom and Dad, sex on fire is the name of a song....not the actual deed). I spent the eve bopping away with a group of radicool people...at one stage I had a Guy on my shoulder...a dude....on my shoulders!Ridonk. Then I spent the rest of the eve on someone else's shoulders, insane. We were rocking out with our frocks out, when a bottle slams into my back, some clever, very cool person threw a bottle at me! (Granted everyone was doing it, and it probably wasn't aimed at me, but still.....really now. Concentrate on the Kings people). So there I am, standing with a drenched back, only to find out the next day that it is not in fact beer that is in those very full bottles...but the contents of an awful boy's bladder. Vomitory. I have since washed the shirt 3 times. I will attempt to wear it again in the near future.
Summary of Kings: Ha ha you didn't get to go!
I spent an afternoon in Hampstead Heath 2 weekends ago, it was beauteous. I have never seen so much park in my life, it was just a whole lot of Park. They have massive mixed pools (green ponds) for boys and girls to frolic in and then single sex pools for boys to play with boys and girls to play with girls(take it how you will). I felt like I was in a movie, I think at one stage I may have even started to act as though I was being filmed but snapped out of it very quickly. Bit awks when you're trying to meet new people all the while you're peering over their shoulders looking for the film crew. I did indeed meet some new people. The people meeting and greeting is going well, for those of you at home who spend your nights wondering and worrying whether this social retard could make friends. Granted they might not call me back, or answer my calls....no, now who is going to dispute my claims of friendship if they've been lucky enough to make the cut. I carry friendship bangles around with me these days so that anytime, anywhere I meet a person that seems like they could move comfortably in my social realm I reward them. Better yet, I tag or brand them. So if you're in London and see people wearing a WWCD (What would Claire do) bracelet, you'll know that they're hot to trot. IE they're a'ight man.in'nit? (Might've been a Jamaican slash chav accent there-slip up).
Now for the news, the news to choose to use or lose.
I suppose the most important part of my life at the moment is my work. I say this not because I'm an alcoholic...I mean workaholic, but because I spend 12 hours a day 5 days a week at work(or on my way too or from work), so its a major portion of my life at the moment. Also being my first proper job in a big company- its likely to play an important part in shaping my future. I can honestly say that I look forward to going to work everyday, it something few people get to say and mean.....I've got it. My team is the tri-nations.....who actually perform. There are no head butts in the first 4 minutes (Although boss does have an evil streak for the first 45minutes of the day), people only get booked via the quote book rather than a yellow card. On this subject I have a lot to say, I would like to formally state that everything(mostly) has been misquoted. There is a quote that reads "Ah Carson, so you meeting the Ray-dog today?(referring to me meeting a client) Response: "Ya, first I'm going to suss him out then I am going to blow him off"! Honestly now, have you ever? I said I'd blow him away!There are others that are completely out of context: Claire to Boss "Boss, you're moving into my box".....office response: Everyone doubled over in stitches. Then I'm left to explain that I was not in fact talking about anything other than the fact that he was literally packing his desk contents into my box.....making matters only worse. Other book entries are solely based on the language barrier. When asked if I wanted a brew I was close to asking if alcohol was allowed during work but held my tongue. So I said no thanks, but Ill have coffee please. Doc replies "Do you want that white?" Claire's blunder no.10 "Does that mean with milk?". As a group we get on really well, so we go for lunches together, and drinks after work etc, so one day I'm off to lunch and The Hawk says "I think I'll go for a liquid lunch today," Claire responds "Cool, what soup are you having?". For those of you as speedy as me- a liquid lunch apparently refers to booze. I am tempted to put a Saffa dictionary up on my desk to avoid any future misunderstandings. Here are some new words for you to practice and then commercialise, let me know if they kick off:
Pony=crap (lame, I'd rather use the word donkey)
Village= crap (who says that is village?)
Brew=Tea (any hot drink, but not the same as a brewski)
White=with milk people,with milk
mate=any person you talk to ever, anytime, anywhere
Oh to clarify that (sorry I lost track), Boss is a Koala and Dan is a Kangaroo(Kiwi and aussie, hence the Tri-nations....so far I have lost 2 bets. Not stoked Bokke.
Before I get carpel tunnel syndrome, I'm gonna give this a rest until your next surprise post....
Stay classy.
(I'll post Kings of Leons Pics soon soon)
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